I have concluded within myself, that it is okay to break away from the ingrained social standards that I have thought to be true.
Currently, I’m working on this presentation entitled For The Culture: Breaking Barriers, and my mind is racing. My mind is telling me to do this, and to do that, and to do this once more, because deep down I do not feel I’m a good presenter or facilitator and that’s false. I know I’m good and the proof is in the evaluations. But none of that matters, because I sit at my laptop knowing full well that I got this and that I do not need to do anymore work on this, but my mind is screaming the opposite, and that’s when it clicked. That’s when I made the executive decision to move past my emotions and these pestering thoughts of doubt and stand on, I got this. It’s a bit challenging, going against this force inside me, that is not letting me be great, but I’m doing it because if I allow doubt and the accumulative negative energy that is built in me, to take over me, then I’ll lose, and that’s when I truly realize I have to break the rule of following the negative energy/ emotions/ thoughts inside me. This means staying on myself and thinking and believing the opposite when contrary thoughts and emotions arise within me.
We all have these rules that we live by, the cultural standards; social standards; family standards; false standards that are imposed on us to tell us how we ought to be based on gender, sexuality, class, and other identities; I mean, we create them and live by them because that’s what we’ve been taught. However, those identities and their unwritten rules, often times those rules clash because within each identity there are conflicting standards and rules. Well I’m done trying to follow all the rules that I placed on my life to try to fit in or be my best. I’ve focused hard on being my best that I forgot to be my best. I’ve tried so hard to be someone else or something else that I donned the best, that I forgot how to be my best self; I became lost, but that’s okay because I’m gathering myself and making myself great with accepting my difference and uniqueness from the heard that is the cultural, social, friends, and familial bubble, that both I and other people have created and taught me.
So the real work: now I have to unlearn the oppression and build strength and confidence in what gives me boldness, freedom and confidence, and it’s hard. It’s hard doing the right thing within myself. But I know I can do it, between my faith and my will, I got this.
That said, I hope we all live our best life by doing our best. Break the rules, the social, family, friends, conformity type rules if they are oppressing you. There is no need for that negative energy in one’s life.