Stop Holding On To The Nonsense, It’s Probably Hurting You. 

A skill that I’m mastering, is to stop caring so much of what people may or may not think of me and, stop giving energy to negative thoughts/ imagination I may have myself. I know it’s easier said than done, but most good things require work and perseverance. 
Lately, I’ve understood why I cared so much of what others thought of me and, why I needed their opinions, it stemmed from emotional offenses from my childhood. 
When I was child, I honestly didn’t get the validation and acceptance I needed from those that valued the most to me – my family. The results of constantly being invalidated caused my heart to grow cold and insecure. I lived with a lot of hate inside my emotions and it wasn’t until counseling and my faith, that I was able to overcome my insecurity and hard heart. Unfortunately, the incidents of my past shaped and molded my existence. For example, I had trust issues and was leery of anyone that said they loved me, since everyone that said they loved hurt me. My erroneous child mindset, believed that loved equal hurt, as in, the people who loved me will hurt me. So to protect myself, I won’t allow myself to feel (ignore my emotions until they die) and, if I sense someone is about to care for me, distance myself from them immediately. Consequently, I also grew up with the inability to forgive and let things go and, I blamed others for my faults, etc. This predicament meant I didn’t know how to foster emotionally healthy relationships, and so, I was the person that was emotionally isolated and yet, looked like I had all together. Mask off vs. mask on. 
Eventually, I became tired of being emotionally unhealthy. Especially when I read my bible and it would speak of freedom and, having love, peace and a sound mind. Also the mentioning of how I’m beautiful and wonderfully made, went aggressively against my thoughts of myself and I began to wonder why. 
To remedy why I couldn’t believe the beautiful words of the Bible, family, and friends concerning myself, I began to meditate and explore the depths of my emotions and, that’s when I faced the offenses and trauma of my past. In meditation I saw my childhood self hurting, with rage and anger. Honestly, I shocked myself at this discovery. But, to be healed of this I had to let it go (so much writing and tears here), I had to be the person I needed when I was a child. 
I also reconciled the fact that the people that hurt me in my past may never admit they hurt me. That because they felt it was the right thing at the time and, they did their best with the knowledge they had, that everything is/was fine – trust it’s not – but, I had to make peace with that. 

Getting peace and power within my emotions has empowered me. I’m practicing forgiveness, not living in the past – real or imagined – and letting things go (good and bad). By processing and acknowledging every thought and emotion, I’m gaining power and, I’m mastering the ability to stop caring about other people thoughts and opinions of myself and, learning to live. The key to stop caring about what other people’s opinions is having strong self-love. That’s the shield to the nonsense in this world. I couldn’t have love and unforgiviness too, so I forgave. 

Listen, life is to short or long, to hold on to toxic past thoughts, relationships, and societal nonsense. That said, I encourage you to meditate and, weigh your emotions and thoughts to see if they add to you or, take away from you. 
Love and peace my friend. 
Side bar: I can only make posts on my phone until I get my new laptop, so these posts will be short and very infrequent. But if you want to help me get my new laptop then please consider supporting my gofundme @ Now that I’ve promo’d me, I hope you enjoyed the is post. 

Community Matters

The gravity of the statement, “community matters”, has gained more weight in my life. Recently I started a gofundme (, to ask for support to purchase a new mac laptop since my hardware is ancient and is no longer supported by software developers and, the result of starting that gofundme has been phenomenal. It’s been a little over a week and I’m a little over a third into completing my goal. That said, I’ve been genuinely surprise with the love and support that I’m experiencing in this venture. Many people have shared, liked, and some have donated – and I’m sure others will too – but the fact that my friends, my people, are doing this for me is mind-blowing.

It’s mind blowing because I was raised to not ask or receive help, so to get it is someone shell-shocking to me – in a good way. My family and for many people who grew up Black, I was taught to never be vulnerable. Emotional intellect was lacking from my upbringing. I think growing up where my mother had to work eighty plus hours a week to take care of my sister and I, didn’t leave much room to care about our emotional development. In addition my mother was abused as a child and didn’t learn the skills to be loving, kind, and warm that translated as love and kindness. Don’t get me wrong, my mom and my dad were there for me financially, I didn’t want for anything, but when it came to validating me, lifting me up, having me to feel and believe that I could do anything, well, it wasn’t there. And I hated them and my family for that lack for a long time. It wasn’t until I got out of my own traumatic emotional experience(s) of my past that I was able to see the truth, the truth being they didn’t know how to be vulnerable; they didn’t know how to lean on people for support; both of my parents had a grit your teeth and take it, mentality. Thus, it wasn’t until I became an adult and started practicing my faith that I learned to let go of destructive habits. I learned that pride is hell of a drug and for my parents, their pride was through the roof – hence, the not leaning on anyone – but God through his word has taught me to not be prideful and heck, to not lean on my own understanding, but to acknowledge God in all my ways. That said, I’ve learned to let me pride go – the pride that said I had to do everything on my own – purchase this laptop on my own – I reached out.

In this endeavor, I am allowing myself to experience love and support. And I truly mean allowing myself to experience it, because while it was always around, I never allowed myself to experience being supported – not truly. But I am now, and now, I understand the importance of community.

Community doesn’t have to be a large group of people; community as I’ve experienced it and will define it is, people being there to support me when I’m in a low space and a high space. My community hold me accountable and isn’t afraid to tell me I’m being messy; my community isn’t afraid to love and be affectionate; my community possess strong emotional intelligence; and I’ve been doing a disservice to myself by not being honest in my community when I’m in a low space – e.g. financially, emotionally, mentally.

That said, I encourage everyone to cultivate their community. Most time it means letting people go and letting new people in – yes, you need new friends, despite what Drake would have you believe – because think about this, if people aren’t making me a better person and I’m not making them a better person, then why are we in each other’s community?

Peace and Love