Hey beautiful readers,
Something occurred to me today and I realized that I do a lot of things to make other people feel comfortable. I don’t like making others feel uncomfortable and for a long time, I believed it was my burden to not make other people feel uncomfortable. I victim blamed myself and did my best to conform to social and family unspoken requests of how I ought to perform for their comforts. But recently, I have come to understand that other people’s discomfort is not my burden to bear, but it is a hard habit to kick. I am frequently encouraging myself to be free by reminding myself that it is not my fault that someone is being triggered by existence; that the onus of comfort is on the triggered party; and I have to discipline my thoughts, emotions, and belief to be positive about my existence. I’m practicing and mastering the freedom to be myself even if I suspect that someone is uncomfortable with my existence. Yes, the internalized oppression is real, but I’m undoing the self-harm; the journey has been tumultuous and rewarding. That said, I now wonder how many people live for the perception of others? It really is a perception since we cannot read people’s minds and I would argue that a lot of my perceptions of a situation stemmed from projecting negative thoughts that I held about myself onto other people and situations – I suspect that is true for many people.
Thus, what does this mean in the scope and construction of identity? I think it means we are constantly changing and evolving. I think it builds character and integrity for those of us that can confront out unhealthy habits and overcome them, while for those that cannot, I think it can lead to deeper self-oppression and mental and, emotional illness – in my opinion.
So, as I have become privy to my self-harm practices via internalized rejection and hatred, I had to face my demons and ask myself, why do I think this, then allow the reasons to come to my conscious via a replaying of the words, thoughts, and images, that I believed in that created the emotional, mental, and physical prison and torture that I was in. To gain my freedom, I meditate daily and utilize my Christian faith daily, as in, believing I’m wonderfully and beautifully made; God did not give me a spirit of fear, but God gave me a spirit of love, faith, and a sound mind. Mastering the utilizations of both techniques to overcome life challenges that push my limitations and strengthen me is the key to my freedom. I have also learned to respect my limitations and honor myself by not allowing negative energy to dwell in my, nor in my atmosphere and, I respect myself by not being a trash can for negativity or anyone else’s negative energy. And interesting enough, daily practicing of these skills has helped me to be a better friend, sibling, daughter, adult, and stranger – being a better human being is a prayer that I often pray for myself and put into practice daily.
That said, I think it is important to check in with oneself regularly; I think it is important to question our thoughts, emotions, and actions; I also think it is important to master choosing positive thinking and speaking positive words because that is not natural for a lot of people.
So, I hope you enjoyed this post; my goal is to post new posts every second and fourth week. If there is a topic that you want me to give my thoughts about, then shoot me a message.
Love and be dope.